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[A message arrives a few days after the operation.]
Hello again.
First and foremost, I wanted to apologize. What I said about getting off on the wrong foot wasn't entirely a lie, but the fact remains that I lured you into a situation without your consent.
You deserve to know how it came to that.
Aragaki-san messaged me with information regarding your 'true nature.' We had concerns that the way you reacted wasn't entirely of your own volition. It seemed troubling that you would become so hostile at my criticisms of Shido and then suddenly snap back into place when Crow arrived.
I contacted Futaba-san shortly after because she seemed the most qualified. A group chat was made not long after, wherein plans were made to try and find a way to break you free from Shido's influence, assuming it was forced upon you.
I was selected as "bait" because I was the least likely to rouse suspicion. It was Phoenix's idea to use a Palace. The others came as backup in case everything went awry.
None of us wanted to hurt you, but obviously, there's no disputing the fact that we effectively went inside your mind. Our plan involved tampering with you, and if you were truly tampered with before, I know that such actions, regardless of intention, must have brought back painful memories.
I can only hope that in time you will be able to find some form of happiness. Good intentions or not, you are not obligated to treat us with forgiveness and understanding.
[For a day or so, the message stays on 'read'. A text bubble pops up every now and again, before going away. Then, finally, a message comes through.]
I honestly don't know what you want me to say right now.
I'll put it plainly; I am furious with all of you. I feel violated. It feels like there is something stuck inside of me that I cannot get out. It is foreign, and it is awful, and if I could physically rip it out, I would. I was deceived, cornered, put down like an animal, and then hacked, like I was nothing more than an inanimate object in need of 'correction', but then, that's what I was, wasn't I? What I am, am I not?
It is hard for me to trust that this will not backfire on me at any point, or turn me into someone's newest plaything, or self-destruct if I do something one of you doesn't like. I don't even know if writing this will trigger something like that. Will I even care if it does at this point? Does it even matter?
Do you know what it's like to physically feel someone rooting around in your mind? To feel them change the way you think? The way you act? To feel yourself change from the inside out, and there is nothing you can do?
I'd wager you don't, and you better keep it that way. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's violating in a way words cannot describe.
That all being said, I do understand why you all did what you did. It is understandable that you'd want to neuter something that can and will kill for simply saying the wrong words. For what it's worth, I truly did not wish to harm you, or act the way I did towards anyone else. It wasn't my choice to do so, believe me, but that didn't make this intervention any less necessary, did it?
I don't like it. Not one bit. If I'd had the choice, I would've liked to do it while I was fully aware of what was going to happen, or rather: not have it be needed at all. I am not ungrateful that Futaba managed to disable Shido's bug, far from it, but I cannot divorce my previous experiences from what happened the other day.
Having had the time to think about it, I can't say it wasn't warranted. I can't say I blame any of you for doing what you did. I won't hold it against you, but that does not mean I am ready to forgive any of you, either.
If you truly mean anything of what you said, I may be amenable to speaking again in person, but not now. I'm sure you understand.
I know hearing from one of us is probably the last thing on your mind. You're under no obligation to respond, but for the record
I really am sorry it went down this way. The manipulation, the fight. All of it. I don't regret making the decision to get you out of his control, but it could have, and should have, been handled better than it was.
Again, no obligation to respond, but if you have a place you'd like me to drop them, I have some stuff I've used to get paint out of feathers without causing damage. (Sorry again)
Or hell, if you need to get some aggression out of your system, you can tell me where to meet up and that's an option too.
Yeah, that was about par for the course. He sighed quietly, and sent the response.
It'll be in a bag to the left of the main entrance in one hour.
It made sense that he'd need more than words. Story of my fucking life, right?
That said, he'd be in front of the Diet Building at the appointed time, carrying a small bag of cleaning products which were appropriate for use on skin and hair- he had no idea what Falcon's hygiene routine looked like.
He looked up at the building with an expression of supreme distaste, before casually glancing around to check if he was, perhaps, being observed.
I'm not going to pretend I'm fine with what you did. I'm not. Your shit is stuck in my head like a thorn I can't reach or pull out. I'd ask you to come get rid of it, but I don't think I can stand the sight of you.
I don't know what attacking you will prove, but I won't hesitate either if you try to approach me. I cannot trust you right now, even if, in hindsight, I appreciate you getting rid of Shido's bug.
I understand those feelings. If I had known how to get your consent I would have. It didnt seem you took the hints when we first met. And I wasn't going to try and do it plainly when I knew it would turn into a one on one I couldn't bring myself to win.
If you wish for it to be removed, then I can. I can't access it remotely, I put securities on it.
Honestly, i thought attacking me would prove i didnt code you to be "not dangerous" because trust me you arent the most dangerous here, theres been someone killed here before. I would have let you kill me if Ren wasn't there.
One hour after the message is sent, on the dot, there's a shimmer at the entrance of the Diet Building- a clear indication of someone leaving the Metaverse. Falcon, in all his blue-painted glory (though the paint has spread and faded in spots, the remnants of an attempt to clean it off), appears, his eyes narrowed.
If one were to look closely, they'd see the way he's coated with gunpowder, dust, and other debris. He's clearly been... busy.
Upon spotting Phoenix, he immediately transitions into an aggressive stance, the protective caps around his fingers snapping open, and pointing them at Phoenix without hesitation. Despite the blue paint making the look quite comical, his face is nothing but serious.
"Leave it," he demands with a low hiss, "and step back."
[It takes some time for Raven to reply, though he does read the message relatively fast.
Should he reply? Or should he leave it be? It's hard to say.]
I don't think you're an object. That we "needed" to intervene doesn't change the fact that we did so without clear consent or communication.
We weren't sure how else to approach it, but whatever excuses we could make don't change the fact that you were hurt by our actions. None of them should expect you to be happy, let alone forgive us.
I don't blame you for the things you said before. I understand that they likely weren't by choice. It hurt, but whatever pain it brought certainly pales in comparison toward something so dire as intruding upon your very being.
You deserve time and space to process everything at your own pace.
[The following text comes way faster than the one before]
What?
No
I don't...
[The next text takes a little longer, a chat bubble popping up every so often before it finally sends]
Look. I'm not happy with you, but that doesn't mean I want to kill you. You did what you thought was right. I hate it, and I want you to stay away from me, but I don't want you dead.
I was made to protect humanity. Shido ruined that. There are only a select few people I want dead, and you aren't one of them.
There's a moment of silence before Falcon takes a cautious step forward, then another, then another, before her rushes forward and snatches up the bag, keeping one arm pointed at Phoenix the entire time. Just to be sure.
"Fine," he says with a clipped tone, clutching the bag against himself while still holding Phoenix at gunpoint.
It's a big, fat lie of course. He is anything but fine. He's angry, and scared, and every other negative emotion that manages to emerge from his Plume of Dusk, but mostly angry. Or maybe he's just playing up his anger to drown out everything else.
There's a moment where he seems to hesitate, but then:
"Tell Igor to let me out of here," he growls, "or at least bring Shido here so I can fucking end him. Gentleman's agreement. Right?"
This does not take into account that people can't permanently die here, but he's too worked up to think about that, really. Or maybe he'd relish into killing Shido again and again. Who knows!
Without waiting for a reply, he's gone again, disappearing into Shido's Palace.
Dove spends a long time typing. A very long time. It seems like he has quite a bit to say. Messages pop up after another.
Truth be told, I'm not certain there's a singular answer to that. In my own case it's a matter of conviction. I continue on because I have something I must fight for.
That's not to say I don't suffer from doubts. I have many doubts, and if you were to ask me at any given moment, I would surely have some I would be reluctant to trouble others with.
But when I compare those doubts to Amamiya-san, I find that they matter much less. Amamiya-san is something real, even among the lies I've found myself surrounded by. And so, I'll continue to seek him out, even if I find myself questioning everything.
So I would say that, at least for myself, it's a matter of finding what you believe in. Whether it be your Amamiya-san, your sense of justice, your friends, or something else entirely. There is something that is real to you. Something that you care for, and is your own truth.
Well he'd hoped to hear back eventually- but he'd never expected this soon.
He read the text with a frown. Ahhhh shit.
"Hey Renée... you got a Soma?"
...
The how of it wasn't important, in the end. The important bit was that he was on his way, with a small phial of silver-white fluid, and he was moving at speed.
One day. One day he'd figure out those fucking portal spells.
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