gorobo | IC Inbox

Oh, great. This is not what he meant, Lyssi!

Tell them to fuck off

He deletes the message before he sends it- he doesn't want to hurt Futaba. He's made enough kids upset today, hasn't he?

He doesn't want her to see him like this, though. She doesn't deserve that. He doesn't exactly want to see Phoenix either, but if they're together, then how should he...?

But he can already hear some rummaging downstairs, a door opening. Too late, and he groans, again, digging his fingers into the wood of the table below.

All he can do is try to make himself presentable now, he guesses, and gets up, straightening himself.

And soon enough, the door opens. Inside steps Lyssi, who looks at Falcon with that usual expression of his, though his shoulders seem to relax slightly.

"I have located you, Falcon-senpai."

That much is obvious, but he feels his circuits stop doing that sparking feeling quite as much, so he can't help but announce the news.

He looks Falcon over, trying to gauge if he's all right. He seems to be in one piece, at least, but the emotional side of things is another story-- one much harder for him to read.

It takes a fraction of a moment too long for him to pull the words out of his mouth.

"Hey, Lyssi," he greets, pulling his face into a smile- but it comes out more as a grimace. A feeling similar to black tar sits in his throat, his head, as he looks at Futaba and Phoenix. "You too, Futaba, Phoenix."

He's still so angry. Guilt claws at his circuits. He tried texting Raven, and he knows, he knows, but it didn't help. Doesn't.

It takes more effort than it should to keep the smile, shitty as it is, plastered on his face.

She breaks off from her crowd. "Are you okay?" She asks. He wasn't... happy. She couldn't even pretend he was.

She wanted him to know he didn't have to pretend she hated pretending. She hated the way things went back home.

"Oh- Futaba."

He hesitates, the smile dropping ever so slightly before he hikes it back up.

He glances at the others, before turning to her. He hates that she's here, and he hates that Phoenix is here. Lyssi- Lyssi's his brother, and he knows how it works when you haven't properly developed emotions yet. He was hoping to just...

He's not sure actually. He doesn't know what he was hoping.

Guess it doesn't matter now. He can't lie to her- she'd see right through him.

"I've been better. I got-" he pauses briefly, trying to find the right words, "-mad at someone."

How bare-bones, but he really doesn't know how to explain it to her. She shouldn't have to deal with it- she's a kid. One that he's helping to take care of, at that.

"Falcon..." He sighed. "It happens." He took a seat nearby, close enough to be supportive but not crowding. "I'm not going to lie to you and pretend that that was okay, but nobody here came here to shout at you. You fucked up. But that's just... part of being human. Bigger than average part of being us, admittedly. I'm just saying... it's not the end of the world."

Save it- I don't want to hear it. I fucking know.

That's what he wants to say, at least. He doesn't- not with Futaba present, but Phoenix' words... ring hollow.

So instead, he doesn't say anything, looking away.

Hah. He's not even human.

As Lyssi listens to Falcon and Phoenix, watching their exchange... he notes Falcon's silence. Does he have nothing to say? Or is there a reason he doesn't speak?

It's bad, he thinks. So he speaks up again, trying to make some sense of it...

"...Are you still experiencing anger? Or perhaps another emotion instead?"

He doesn't know what Falcon is experiencing, but...

"Or do you require assistance of some sort? We do not require sustenance, but I can provide other means of support, such as company or 'lending an ear'. Or such other requests."

He's trying. He's really trying even if he doesn't get it. All he knows is that something is apparently wrong. He wants to fix it.

"You've got three people here who all showed up because they were worried about you. Talk to us. Or tell us to leave. I'm dead serious, if you look me in the eye and tell me bluntly you'd rather be alone, I'll respect your wishes and back off."

He studied the android's face, for a moment. "... I joke a lot, you know. About the 'died twice, went to Hell' thing. I remember it incredibly vividly, but the first time at least, it didn't actually happen to 'me'. Oh, Goro Akechi died." He glanced at Futaba. Skirted the subject. "He did a lot of very stupid and very hurtful things. He tried multiple times to kill Ren Amamiya, who for reasons I will never understand still regarded him as a friend and deeply mourned his passing. So naturally, when Takuto Maruki got hold of the leftover power of a dying god, because he was close with Ren, he wanted to help. To fix that."

He met Falcon's gaze, didn't let him look away. "He made me. For a singular purpose, in fact- make Ren Amamiya happy. Didn't work out in his favor, since under those parameters 'Goro Akechi alive and free to be his most authentic self' was what he got. But make no mistake, Goro Akechi, I am as artificial and fabricated as you are. Many of the events I remember are outright fabrications, many I will never know their true authenticity. But I'm still a person. Human, perhaps not in the genetic sense, but human in the philosophical sense. Just like Ulysses. Just like Renée. Just like Morgana, as much as I hate the little shit. Just like you. Stop pretending that you have to face the world alone."

Futaba looked at Phoenix as he spoke. She didn't know what to add on, she didn't have any experience like he did. She was just... her. A little kid. With a mom going through shit, Sojiro going through shit. She wanted to keep the family she'd made here happy.

She turned to Falcon, offering him her hand. It was a little thing. She knew it was a long shot he didn't like being touched, but it might help.

And Falcon-

-his face just barely, barely doesn't crumple.

He doesn't know what to say to any of that. He doesn't really understand what prompted Phoenix to say all that in the first place.

"... Ah," is all that leaves his mouth, unable to look away from Phoenix' piercing eyes. Every attemp he makes, Phoenix just follows him, and it's so fucking frustrating. The black tar pit that is his emotions bubbles and boils inside of his chassis, unable to reach a true consensus on what he's supposed to feel.

Phoenix' backstory resonates with him in a way he doesn't expect it to, but his feelings are so tangled in negative emotions that he can't discern in what way, exactly.

"... Just a bunch of artificial beings, huh," he mutters more to himself than anything.

There's a pause as he rolls everything around in his mind, stamping down on the instinctive fury that lingers despite it all. And in the middle of that-

Futaba lifts her hand. Asking. Not forcing. Looking at him with those big eyes of hers.

His hands tremble. He's not sure he wants to be touched right now.

He lifts his own hand anyway, and slowly, carefully, curls his pinky finger around her soft, human hand. He's sure it's warm too- but he can't even properly feel that. It's so very different from his own cold, metallic one, with bits and pieces and intricacies that turn them into deadly weapons.

"... Thanks. For telling me that," he says haltingly. "I'm- I'm still just angry. I guess."

"You have the right to be angry. World's dealt you a uniquely shitty hand, and Crow should've had the emotional intelligence to realize you were feeling bad about blowing up and trying to self-regulate by retreating, and instead he let his bruised ego do the talking."

Lyssi looks back towards Phoenix, trying to process everything being said. It's... a lot, he doesn't quite understand it all now, but perhaps one day...

"...Falcon-senpai... Phoenix-san and Futaba-chan came here because they are worried about you. I... am worried about you."

Is that what this feeling is? Worry? He... thinks it might be. That would explain that feeling in his circuits, and how quickly he wanted to find Falcon-senpai, doesn't it...? He's not sure, but...

"I do not know Crow-san or any of the other individuals involved in this incident, but I know that you are experiencing intense levels of emotion. I want to help you."

She nodded, she was glad he took her hand, even smiling a little bit at him.

"It's okay to be angry, I get angry sometimes still."

Is it right for him to be angry? It sure as hell doesn't feel that way. At every turn, people are telling him he should be grateful. That he shouldn't be so selfish. They helped free him from Shido, and that he's spitting in their faces for it.

Either they were right in making that choice and you should be grateful to have your life back. Or they were wrong and you should have died back then. Which is it?

The fact that a kid like Amada asked that of him stings all the more. Why the hell does he keep getting chewed out by kids? What kind of fucking question is that?

... Should he have died? Would it even have had any effect? People just respawn here, don't they? Wouldn't it just have kicked the can down the road? No- no, he still needs to kill Shido. Of course he can't die before doing so. But why the hell does that mean he needs to be grateful for what they did to him?

He notices to late that he's scowling again, and makes an effort to wipe it away, for Futaba's sake. He doesn't want her to think he's angry at her. He properly grabs her hand, and gives it a gentle squeeze.

He's still unsure of what to say. He doesn't know if he can without fucking up.

He sighed, quietly. "About what happened..." Asking 'what could they have done better' wouldn't be helpful. It would be accusatory. A useless excercise.

"I've had someone in my head before. I know... what it's like, to be a puppet with someone else pulling the strings. I... couldn't leave anyone like that. Not if I had the power to stop it. I think the others felt the same, and it's possible that we could've set out with the best of intentions... and still gone about it entirely the wrong way. What's done is done, and we can't take it back. And for the hurt that's caused you, I'm genuinely sorry. I want to make it right. Be better than I was."

"... God," he huffs, "stop apologizing already."

It slips out before he can stop himself, bitter and dark. Shit- this is why he wasn't saying anything. He glances at Futaba, gauging if he's upsetting her.

"It's as you said; what's done is done," he says, trying to lift his voice a little, but he's unsure how well it works, "and you've already done a better job at trying than some individuals."

Crow. Drake. And, much as he loathes the way his anger overtakes him, Ken. He wrote it off before as Ken not knowing what he was getting himself into, but-

Kid clearly knew after all. He may just be a kid, but- God. Fuck.

"All of you, that is." He tries to redirect his anger once more, but it just festers.

He held up his hands placatingly. "Alright, last time. Still, shitty that people haven't at least reached out to you about it."

He paused. "Actually, given what went down with Drake, I can understand why he didn't. Doesn't make it less shitty, but I get it. Hard to reach out to others when you're already drowning. Crow... should've said something before now. I don't think he thinks he shits rainbows, but I think he thinks he's expected to, somehow. I sure as hell couldn't manage..."

Raven, Ren, Aki, Hawk... Technically Hiro now, too. "What, five children, and he wasn't even an adult when he got here? Insane."

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